last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
