Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
