You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize