i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
