i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
