I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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