she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
