so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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