you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
