just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
