Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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