i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
