I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
