sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
