i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
