u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
