also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
