My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
