This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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