we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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