How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
