you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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