everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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