elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
