I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
