Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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