I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize