is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
