my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So much rum. So many feels.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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