I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
