and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
