normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
