Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yo dont text me then not text me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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