so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
