Are we in a gay sports bar?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
