oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
