a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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