I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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