Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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