I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
