just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize