yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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