i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
