So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
