I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
