My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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