How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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