I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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