A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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