They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
