go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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