Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
