She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
