yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I cut my penus on the lid.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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