would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Everyone says I win the strip club
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
