My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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