Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
