I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
