why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
