I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
