Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize