ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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