I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
