He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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