how can u be prego again
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
