It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize