You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
