I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
