so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
