she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
