I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
