Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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