i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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