I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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