My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
