Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I supernannyed him into submission
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
