if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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