Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize