i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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