After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize