Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
