Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
