I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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