I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
