don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
