I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
