dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
