matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
