I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
