I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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