i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
