1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
