I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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