Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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