What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
