I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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