Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
