At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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