escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
