Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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